Let me tell you...I know

This speaks to me in a very real way, as this is very likely one of the reasons my marriage fell apart.

My ex-wife was engaged to someone for close to two years. When he announced to her that he was gay and that he was moving with his partner, the first thing she did was call me. We'd kept in contact over the years since her dad was transferred to Ft. Campbell after our freshman year. I even made the trip to see her graduate high school. So, anyway, we talked, and talked, and promises were made that probably shouldn't have. Within a week, she withdrew from Austin-Peay, packed, and arrived in town, New Year's Eve, 1989. She moved in with me and my family on post. When my dad returned from Korea and was sent to Ft. Hood to help deactivate the 2nd AD (this was before Desert Storm, when they said "oops! we actually need them!"), she went with us. The long and the short of it is, in less than a year from her ex-fiance coming out and breaking off their engagement, we were married. She was single for less than a week.

We started having issues within the first year of our marriage. Soon, nothing I did was good enough. I had wanted to end it shortly after our first anniversary, before either of us got hurt too badly. But after many tears, I let myself change my mind. Now, I won't say I suffered for another 13 years in an unhappy marriage. There were some good times, but they started coming too far apart. When I came to the Lord again and rejoined the church, the rift widened. At first, she would attend service and WEF (I would come to discover it was merely to humor me), then it was just service, and then only occasionally. Soon, she'd just stay home. To my dismay, a Godly woman she was not. But, I promised myself that I would do my part, and thought maybe she would find her way to Him. Needless to say...

I began to actually think that I hadn't done enough. By our 13th anniversary we were sleeping in different rooms, and 2 months shy of our 14th, we were divorced. It was amicable enough, but I began to turn from God, blaming Him for not allowing me to be strong enough to fix things. I never thought of our marriage for what it actually was: a rebound relationship that went on entirely too long.

I spent over 4 years away from any real relationships. I went on dates here and there, mostly for the human interaction, but nothing serious. Then, finally, I felt ready to try again. It was here that my ex-fiance came into my life. She had just broken up with the father of her child (they never married), and was looking for someone to fill the void. Idiot me falls for her. I've already ranted about how that relationship ended up, so all I will say is I'm glad my mom passed before discovering who this woman really was. Another rebound relationship.

So, here I am, very nearly 6 years later. I've healed. I've come back into His fold. I have shunned the darkness that was beginning to consume me. I am ready...

...but I will not be another rebound. I have become a patient man, trusting in Him. I will wait. I pray nightly, and in Him I am filled.

It's funny that a friend posted this on Thursday, but it is truth: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

My love to you all...