It's Time, and Well Past, Too...You Are No Longer Welcome Here (and apologies to Jennifer Connelly)

     It's taken over 25 years, but I'm finally ready. You've been a cancer to my total well-being, holding me back, ruining relationships, causing self-doubt, coloring my judgement, feeding the dark side of my soul, generally being the source of my misery for nigh on 27 years. Your hold on my core has been steadily loosening for the last few weeks, so much so that it has come to my attention that I have the opportunity, here and now, to break free from your deceit, your honeyed words, your false illusions of happiness. To quote Labyrinth, "You have no power over me."

     The last few days have been filled with fights (with myself), crying jags, rage-fueled outbursts, and just a general sense of unease while I pondered and wondered how and why I've let you have so much control for so long. You almost tripped me up again last night, as I was rudely short with someone I care a great deal about. That was most certainly, if not the last, then at least the penultimate proverbial straw. I am spending the rest of this night ripping you out of me, searching out every little spot of you, destroying you. And it will hurt. God, I know that it will hurt. Why? Because of fear. Fear holds us and binds us and keeps us from growing. It kills a small piece of us each day. It holds us to what we know and keeps us from what’s possible, and it is our worst enemy. Fear doesn’t announce itself; it’s disguised, and it’s subtle. It’s choosing the safe course; most of us feel we have supposedly rational reasons to avoid taking risks. The brave man is not the one without fear but the one who does what he must despite being afraid. To succeed, you must be willing to risk total failure. Fear appears as something you love dearly, and you're afraid to hurt it. But hurt it I must. And the pain will be great; my heart rent asunder, my mind burning. I pray that I succeed, for should I, the Lion I should have been in the early '90s will come roaring into the forefront, and he will be a beast. Combine that with the physical progress I've already made, and continue to make, and I will set this place ON FIRE! Baritono Divo!

     And to those who planted the seed...I forgive you. And I pity you.

     Good night, love and friends, as I start this fight...




Love you. I always have, and I always will.