For the newcomers, or those I am not friends with on Facebook for varying reasons (or if you're not as smart as I give you credit for), the long and the short: I made a real connection with someone who wasn't self-centered or thought they were too good, yadda, yadda, yadda...or so it seemed. Went out a few times, and a grand time was had by all. Then came the clues, which I couldn't completely ignore (I'm not COMPLETELY changed inside yet...), that pointed to something not being right. First was the sporadic communication. Then the cessation of communication. After a few days, I just wanted to know WTF was up: was she still alive? Did she decide to bail and not inform me? So, I send a text. The 2 replies: "Hey, I lost my phone and just got a new one.", "Refresh my memory, who is this?" Both within a few minutes of my text.
Real freaking nice, eh?
Oh, it gets better.
"I've lost my wallet and everything with it." "I haven't eaten since this morning because I lost my card." "Can you help me? I need XXX$. I'll give you my account information so you can send it to me." Yes, it was a three-digit number...
I may be slow from time to time, but I'm not completely stupid.
That was bad enough. Then I get a bombshell dropped on me tonight that really shook my foundation. I nearly lost it, and the messenger was hard-pressed to keep it together; then while in the cafeteria, I did lose it. Luckily I was able to keep the sobbing to a minimum as I collected myself, finished my salad, and went back to the practice room, so no one was the wiser. I'm going to feel the sting of this news for quite some time. I understand the why of it all, and I agree with it, it was just completely and utterly unexpected.
But, you know what? I've worked my ass off these last 3 months physically; something fundamental snapped in my consciousness while on vacation, causing a major shift; and a vision of what is possible has been burned into my mind's eye. The man you think you know, the one who would have let this cause him to retreat back into himself? Yeah, he's as dead as last year's daisies. A few of you found out last night that you don't really know me anymore. I find it amusing to see the looks on the faces of my acquaintences (pfft! Friends? Ha!) when they realize I'm not that background-dwelling wallflower anymore. Hell, it was to my advantage last night at the restaurant, being the person I am now: the manager came out and introduced himself to us, and to me especially, because he and his employees were having a good time watching me dance on their patio. So much, in fact, I paid even less for my drinks than the day's special!
And apparently I'm more approachable now than last semester, as I have had numerous encounters and even full-blown conversations with students outside of my major. I've been asked to entertain the friends of the kids that were in my NSO group with my rendition of "Overweight People" and I willingly have obliged (pretty soon it won't make any sense for me to sing it: sure you can figure out why).
Two and a half more weeks before I attempt to kill myself by proving I'm in better shape than I actually am. WHEN I cross that finish-line and vindicate myself to myself, it's game over for the past. Don't be on the wrong side when all is said and done, because I will have no problem leaving anyone behind.
Plenty of solo work to audition/rehearse for this season, both in school and at COS. The Ralph Vaughan Williams piece MIGHT be just a formality, for myself and a few others who did it 6 years ago, with the only difference being me wanting to do the final bass solo rather than the first baritone solo as I did back then. We shall see. The Regina Coeli is starting to come back to me, so, with a little coaching from Dr. Susan, I should be ready for that audition next month. And the Chamber Singers piece we're doing, She's Like the Swallow, will be a slight challenge, but one I'm more than able to conquer.
Alright, me loverlies, it's time to ATTEMPT to lay my ass down and go to sleep. I have stuff I need to get done prior to my 0900 class, which will be difficult, as the program I need to install is only written for Windows, so I will need to spend time setting up a work-around.
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night.
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight...
You are not the center of the universe...
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